Cloud's Reflections: She Loves Me Not
by KeokiFirebird
Summary: Songfic. Cloud is contemplating on both Aeris and Tifa. This is set on the night before the final battle. I greatly appreciate Review!!! One Shot - Completed


Disclaimer: I do not own anything Final Fantasy Related. That all belongs to Squaresoft.

She Loves Me Not belongs to Papa Roach and everyone affiliated with the making of that song.

All I can do is think about everything. I never talked. I can't believe we made it this far. Sephiroth is inside the North Crater. We are so close to stop him; finally I can settle my personal score with that lunatic. I told everyone to go back to enjoy sometime with their friends and families, they act like I'm some kind of hero. I'm not any kind of hero. I looked around our surroundings only to see dull rock formations around us are painted by the red light of the sky. Meteor is almost here. The winds song ekes out my existence. I feel like the wind is telling me that I'm going to die.

**_When I see her eyes_**

**_Look into my eyes_**

**_Then I realize that she could see inside my head_**

I looked around to notice the loneliness of the place Tifa and I are in. Tifa and I are in each others arms, we are on this mountain. I really don't expect anyone to come back, but at least I know I'm going. I know Tifa will never leave my side. The howling of the wind adds to this emotion that I feel. The emotion of loneliness that has been eating my very soul, it just does not leave me alone. It's funny on how ironic that is. Ever since Aeris died, No! Since Aeris was killed. I couldn't carry on, but somehow I did. I think that's why everyone thinks I'm this hero. I really care about Aeris; I don't think I will ever forget her. I turned to look at Tifa, as she shifted in my arms. Her beautiful long brown hair was flowing in the wind. As I looked at her face I notched she was looking at me. Our eyes locked in, and I felt something. I felt that my thoughts are not mine only. It's as if she knows exactly what I'm thinking. It seems to hurt her, but why?

**_So I closed my eyes_**

**_Thinking that I could hide_**

**_This associate so I don't doubt you'll lose my head_**

She has a tear running down her cheek. I can't take this. It hurts even me. I feel like a tear is forming at my eyes. I can't let her see. No! I can't let her feel like I can't protect her. I can't let her see my feelings about Aeris! Would it hurt her? No it can't. My arms tightened around her. I held her closer. I preferred to keep my eyes closed. I figured nothing would happen as long as their closed

**_This situation_**

**_Leads to agitation_**

**_Then she cuts me off what it'll be amputation_**

My thoughts started to flow again. It's nothing new for me. I'm always thinking, always trying to figure things out. I remember all those times the group started to argue. We all lost our cool after Aeris was dead. I remember once at an inn. I was yelling at Barret. I asked him what the hell is problem. He yelled at me about how we need to save the world for Marlene. I was so agitated by this situation. I was so frustrated that Aeris wasn't with us anymore, she wasn't with me anymore. I liked Aeris a lot. I did not think we could do it without her. The moment she died, I died too. I needed her with me. Is it possible that because of the way I feel about Aeris is why Tifa just yelled at me. She cut me off from my yelling at Barret. I told her that Aeris isn't here. I told her I couldn't do it without her. By this time everyone left Tifa and me alone. She started to cry, she told me that I have to drop my personal feelings away. I need to lead this group. She told me "We need to save the world." Something about her words told me that this wasn't only about "Saving the World."

**_I don't know _**

**_If I care_**

Tifa you have to understand, I honestly don't believe if I care about the world anymore. I don't have Aeris with me. I don't think the world is worth saving anymore.

**_I'm a jerk_**

**_Life's not fair_**

I'm sorry if I hurt you talking about Aeris. I really don't understand why it hurts you, but I'm sorry anyway. I must be a jerk. I never should make the person that never left me cry. I'm sorry Tifa. Life can't possibly be fair. Aeris is dead. Meteor is almost here. Sephiroth destroyed everything.

**_Fighting all the time _**

**_This is out of line_**

My thoughts about many random battles that have occurred in our adventure came to mind. I remember when we fought Jenova. We fought Jenova after Sephiroth killed Aeris. All we do is fight. This can't be right. Why do we have to fight? I don't see it anymore. I remembered looking at Tifa, she was charging at Jenova with a fist. Tears seem to flow off her face at the speed in which she charged at Jenova. This is just wrong. Tifa shouldn't be feeling like this, I should be the only one who feels like this. This is just out of line. Tifa shouldn't feel this way.

**_She loves me not_**

**_Loves me not_**

I used to be in love with Tifa as we were kids. She probably didn't figure that out. I don't think she ever cared about me that way. She would just look at me.

**_Do you realize_**

**_I won't compromise_**

At first I couldn't tell, that look told me something. It told me that she would never spend time with me. She only spent time with her friends. The popular people stick together. I was just an outsider.

**_She loves me not_**

**_Loves me not_**

She couldn't possibly like a loser like me. Especially with all crap her friends were saying about me. She doesn't like me, I told myself.

**_Over the past five years_**

**_I have shed my tears_**

**_I have drank my fears and watch my fears fly away_**

Now it's been five years since those days. It's been five years of shedding tears for you. I wanted to prove to Tifa that I was better than those kids. I wanted to become a SOLDIER. Here I am and I'm not even that. I feared that I never would get the chance to be with you. That night that I made the promised to you, I literally drank what fears I may have had, and remembered how good I felt. I felt as if I can actually see my fears fly away from me.

**_And until this day_**

**_You still swing my way_**

**_But inside you say sometimes you say she loves me not_**

You were always with me Tifa. Something inside me, tells me that you know how I feel about Aeris. Until today I think you always freely joined me. But I think inside you, you know how I feel about Aeris. I don't understand why I feel this way, and I don't understand what effect it has on you.

**_But I hestitate_**

**_To tell her I hate_**

**_This relationship_**

**_I want her to say this is over_**

I tried many times to tell her that I couldn't continue in our adventure. I tried to tell her I couldn't stand being without Aeris. I couldn't tell Tifa that this relationship I have with Aeris just doesn't work. Of course by relationship I mean the fact that I don't think I'll ever get over her. I just want Sephiroth dead. I want Aeris alive. I just want Tifa to tell me that this is over.

**_I don't know _**

**_If I care_**

I lost my will to fight, and I really don't believe that I care about this idea we have in our heads. Tifa remind me that I used to care. Make me care.

**_I'm a jerk_**

**_Life's not fair_**

Tifa has cried for me before. Many times she has cried because of something I said. Mostly when I want to give up, or when I mention Aeris; Tifa's beautiful red eyes begin to tear up. I'm so sorry Tifa, it's me. I must be a jerk. Life's just not fair. I want to be with Aeris.

**_Fighting all the time _**

**_This is out of line_**

How many times have we fought? I should just ask the man in the cave. He probably knows. He knows everything. We fought so much. It even seemed like we fought all the time. Cid and Barret seemed to enjoy some of the battles. Yuffie was happy because she's going to get more materia. Tifa on the other hand fights to protect everyone. I used to do the same. I just wish that Tifa could rest. This is just out of line.

_She loves me not_

_Loves me not_

I know you don't like me Tifa. It's impossible that you could ever have even possibly liked me. I think I even loved you at one point, but I believe you don't.

**_Do you realize_**

**_I won't compromise_**

Don't you realize Tifa! I can't give Aeris up. I care for her more than anyone could believe. I won't drop it. I want to be with Aeris.

**_She loves me not_**

I know Aeris can't love me. She's dead, I know I have to live with that, but I need you to understand.

**_Life's not fair_**

I need you to understand what I understand. Life's not fair.

**_I'm a jerk_**

I must be a jerk if I can't tell it to you any other way. I'm sorry if I hurt you Tifa.

**_Line for line_**

**_Rhyme for rhyme_**

I feel like you understand me though. Every time I talk, you already knew what I was going to say. Line for line, Rhyme for Rhyme, I feel that everything I say, you could say with me.

**_Sometimes we be fighting all the goddamn time_**

**_It's making me sick_**

Sometimes I felt like the fighting would never end. Every time I look at you, it just makes me sick to see what you have to do. Tifa why don't you just go home, if pains you to fight, you should just go home. It just makes me sick to believe that Aeris was killed in the process, and I don't want the same to happen to you

**_This relationship_**

**_Is getting ill_**

**_So what's the big deal_**

I don't know how long I can last just with the thought to avenge Aeris. The inspiration is beginning to die down. So honestly Tifa! What could possibly be the big deal on saving the world? If people like Aeris have to die, then what is the point of living in the first place? Why don't I just let Meteor hit?

**_On the real_**

**_Could you feel_**

**_What I feel_**

**__**

Tifa do you really know what's going on, or is this feeling untrue. I feel like your still looking at me. I feel like you know what's going on in my head. I feel saturated by the thought of you flowing in my blood. Do you really know?

**_What's the deal girl_**

**_We're tearing up each other's will_**

I feel that every time I just speak of Aeris, you're going to cry. That feeling just tears at everything inside of me. Is this true?

**_We should be home_**

**_Being boy and girl_**

I want to go back to how it used to be, at least this way I don't have to feel this pain. This pain that I know your feeling too. Why can't we just go back to being boy and girl? Why don't we just go back to being outsider and popular girl?

**_That's a promise that we made_**

**_Back in the day_**

**_Before we thought things will never be this way_**

Ever since the promise I made to you at Nibelheim, I all I can feel is pain about you. I only feel pain for you, and for Aeris. Back in the day, I'm so sure we never thought it will be this way. Saving the world from utter annihilation, is a fool's dream.

**_I think we should work this out_**

**_It's alright_**

**_We can scream and shout_**

Tifa you have made me change my ways. I feel that I do have to save this world. If not to carry Aeris's dream, but at least to protect you from this pain you are feeling. I just feel like screaming. It's okay if you want to do that too. We are alone in this world.

**_I don't know _**

**_If I care_**

**_I'm a jerk_**

**_Life's not fair_**

**__**

Tifa keep doing what you're doing. Hold me up. I feel like I'm going to fall forever. I feel this uncaring emotion of what we are about to do. Help me stop it! I'm must be so selfish to just succumb to this emotion. People's lives are at stake. What if maybe we can continue from where we left off after that promise? What if you and I try to be together? That will never happen life is just not fair.

**_Fighting all the time _**

**_This is out of line_**

We have fought our way to be here. To be in this moment, and to be here holding you in my arms is everything I would have ever wanted. Change my ways Tifa. If it hurts you when I mention Aeris, then I'll fight my thoughts about Aeris. I love Aeris, but she isn't here now. She would want me to go on with my life. Maybe Aeris knew something I didn't. I fight with my thoughts all everyday. This is just completely out of line. Help me Tifa!

**_She loves me not_**

**_Loves me not_**

Five years ago, when I was sixteen, I thought everyday "She loves me not." I felt like that could never be changed. For some reason though I decided to fight against that thought. I felt like it must be changed. I went to become a SOLDIER for you, even though I still thought "She loves me not."

**_Do you realize_**

**_I won't compromise_**

Don't you realize Tifa? I did not compromise with my thoughts about you not ever loving me. I tried to change my stars. I tried to rewrite history. Here we are, about to save the world. I hope.

**_She loves me not_**

**_Loves me not_**

It still repeats in my head over and over. The same thought that occurred for the past five you years "She loves me not."

**_Life's not fair_**

**_Life's not fair_**

**_Life's not fair_**

I can't stand it anymore Tifa. I want to get rid of Sephiroth now. I need to save the world for you. It's not fair that Aeris died. It's not fair that I lost my mom and Nibelhiem, but worst of all, it's not fair that he still hurts those who are still alive. You hurt Tifa.

**_I'm a jerk_**

I wish I understood earlier Tifa. I'm just a jerk.

**_Life's not fair_**

Everything would have been fine if Aeris is still alive.

**_She loves me not_**

**_Loves me not_**


End file.
